I had a nightmare last night.
I woke up today alone, lonely and generally feeling like crap.
Bah.
I don’t know if its the weather, the stress or what but I’ve just felt out of it lately: nostalgic, lonely at times but pretty much content. It’s nice to be able to look back on things and see them for what they are, nice memories. I’m trying to focus on myself more and take every day in stride. So far it’s going well.
A good friend of mine once said, “Ashli, you’re thinking too much. Just live in the moment.” This is my (somewhat) new philosophy. I try not to dwell, doddle or focus too much on any one thing in particular. It’s satisfying. I never use to be able to hook Jasper up to his leash and go out for a long walk and just enjoy the scenery and people watch. I’ve never been that girl (unless the people watching included making fun of people anyway). I can feel myself growing and it’s nice. I’m not constantly rattled about stupid little things anymore..whatever happens is going to happen-there really isn’t any sense in fretting or worrying about it too much. N’est pas?
Basically it all comes down to this: I don’t get my hopes up. A few people have misunderstood what I mean and tell me I’m being depressing or pessimistic, but really it’s not about that. I’s about enjoying every day and moment as it comes. Why worry yourself sick about something that may or may not happen within the next few days, months or even years?
I’m not saying have no hope, and I’m certainly not saying I’ve thrown my goals and ambitions to the wind (after all how could I let go of the things that helped bring about this change several months ago?) I still have goals, dreams things I intend on doing eventually. The main thing is I’m working towards them without high expectations. Things will work out the way they should. The same applies to life in general.
Given my luck I just prefer to go with the flow now. There’s no point in getting all worked up and looking forward to something that may never actually happen. (or worse comes thisclose to happening and then falls through) I’d rather take things in stride, and be even happier when things go my way, than to sit around being a worry wart and be absolutely devastated when things don’t go my way.
It makes sense to me anyway.
I would wear pink everyday.
I would have pink everything. Well..I would have mostly pink everythings.
Unfortunately as a 25 (almost 26) year old woman, this is odd to most people. So instead I substitute animal print for pink when I can.
Bright colours (especially pink…obvs) just make me giddy and happy. I miss having a bright pink bedroom..though i decided a while ago that it was maybe time to tone it down and try to grow up a little.
Growing up sucks.
Things I will never give up: My Little Pony, Carebears or Hello Kitty
Things have been crazy with school, and my internet seems to well..never work. I am truly sorry my minions.
I promise a real blog within the next few days once things slow down.
Well…from tonight really. This is typically what my text convos with my girlfriend’s are like on a Friday night:
GF1:Are you back from your roadtrip yet?
GF2:Around 7pm
Gf1:You back yet?
GF2:No response
Gf1(to my phone):I haven’t heard from GF2 yet.
Me:(In reply to GF1)I will assult her with texts then.
Me:(To GF 2): Are you back yet? My breasts and I eagerly await your arrival.
GF2: Haha yes , I’m back. You want to meet me at (bar) so I can stare at your lovely mammories?
-end convo-
We’re a special bunch.
How is this for a random blog, huh? Huh?!?!
Before:
After:
I dyed them to match the rest of my hair, it seems to be taking forever to dry though. I could really do without the itchy scalp though. These are just clip ins, so I can’t imagine how irritating having an actual braided track would be.
Ps- Please excuse my pasty tiredness.
So I have a friend that I use to work with, I haven’t seen her in a long while. Today we finally had a chance to meet up and grab some Moxies. It turns out both of us have had pretty severe summers (hers much more so than mine in terms of severity). Without going into too much detail of her current predicament I’ll just say the family is preparing for a loss and it has everyone on edge.
We bitched about life over appetizers and goat cheese pizza when she started telling me about a fight her and her beau had earlier this week. I have never in my entire life been so utterly fucking appalled by something a man has said to his significant other: he called her useless. Of all the things to call someone, especially when they’re having a rough time this is one of the worst.
I’ve been called lazy, crazy, unmotivated and other things I’m sure I’m not remembering, but never in my entire life have I been called useless. If a guy chose to call me useless he’d be getting a swift kick to the nads and you can bet your ass he’d be apologizing all the way home. I know I’m a bit of a pushover, but something like this just crosses the line.
And he hasn’t apologized yet.
I’ve never been a name caller..maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it was said out of anger. There’s just something about it that makes me feel fairly ill. When I’m angry I cry, I yell and I throw shit. I have a bad temper: it’s what I do. I don’t name call, and I don’t know many people who sling insults back and forth when they fight.
She’s asked me for advice and I honestly don’t know what to say. I don’t do the silent treatment, I don’t run away from fights, and ontop of all of that I really don’t feel comfortable giving out relationship advice right now.
And they’re back. I’ve been pretty well nightmare free since the beginning of August. I suppose all good things must come to an end though.
I basically pulled an all nighter last night for an economics test I had today. Finally at 6am I went to sleep planning on getting up at 8 to go to my classes. I woke up around 7 all sweaty and panicking. My nightmares are usually very vivid, but obviously not realistic.
I don’t know what it was about this dream, but it was just fucking horrifying. It was like any pain inflicted during the dream I could actually feel. Has anyone else ever experienced this? It was absolutely fucking terrifying. I use to have someone I could call and talk to(and have calm me down) or someone to at least hold me when this shit happened.
Now I have a dog. Not the most comforting thing in the world. Needless to say I didn’t go back to sleep. I studied a bit, though there’s not much studying you can do when you’re in a paranoid state of panic.
On a positive note, I finally got my unemployment insurance! I’m rich!
I figured since it’s the beginning of October I’d beat the crowds and go grab a Halloween costume. Every other year stuff has been picked over, and holy fuck prices have been insane! So today during a study break I went and took a gander at the two party stores in town (ironically right across from each other).
One had like..nothing. Every costume they had seemed to be sold out. The other store had some awful prices. My solution was to go across the street to the on with stupid prices to try stuff on. I found something I liked and guffawed when I looked at the price. They wanted 30$ more than the other store!(the other store was sold out..the stupidly expensive store did not know this). I did what any sensible person would do…I told the expensive store I would go across the street if they wouldn’t price match.
I got my way. Of course.
So to make my original point: I am being Wednesday Addams for Halloween. I came across some supplies to make some clip in extensions so that I won’t be stuck wearing some stupid wig. I’ve been wanting extensions anyway, long hair is fun!
And now I must get back to the fun that is studying economics. Ugh 
I’m currently using these things, and frig could they be anymore uncomfortable? I’m like…drooling uncontrollably. I’m on day 3 I think..and my teeth are starting to get sensitive (more so than usual). I am however vain enough to whine about the pain and continue doing it. Yup.
I installed a new shower head yesterday (I am so domestic). I’ve had the damn thing for like a week, but I couldn’t get the old shower head off. Yesterday after torturing myself with a wrench I finally got the damn thing off. The new shower head is soooo nice, there’s just one issue: the fucker screams for the first 5 minutes of use. It’s this horrible high-pitched squeal. Ugh.
I’m sorry that this post is all over the place, and I haven’t taken much care in the actual writing. I’m just feeling a little off today, and I wanted to post a quick update.
