Psychotically-pink

Things have been crazy with school, and my internet seems to well..never work.  I am truly sorry my minions.

I promise a real blog within the next few days once things slow down.

It’s been a good stretch of feeling pretty good about life in general.

Today I woke up and I just felt off. Now that I’m home from classes I’m just feeling miserable and alone. I haven’t cried over what I lost in probably..weeks now..but today it just sort of hit me again.

I hate waking up alone. I hate feeling lonely and I hate that I miss it all so much. I really do. Hopefully after today I’ll have another long stretch of being fine.

Well…from tonight really. This is typically what my text convos with my girlfriend’s are like on a Friday night:

GF1:Are you back from your roadtrip yet?

GF2:Around 7pm

Gf1:You back yet?

GF2:No response

Gf1(to my phone):I haven’t heard from GF2 yet.

Me:(In reply to GF1)I will assult her with texts then.

Me:(To GF 2): Are you back yet? My breasts and I eagerly await your arrival.

GF2: Haha yes , I’m back. You want to meet me at (bar) so I can stare at your lovely mammories?

-end convo-

We’re a special bunch.

How is this for a random blog, huh? Huh?!?!

Before:

After:

I dyed them to match the rest of my hair, it seems to be taking forever to dry though. I could really do without the itchy scalp though.  These are just clip ins, so I can’t imagine how irritating having an actual braided track would be.

Ps- Please excuse my pasty tiredness.

So I have a friend that I use to work with, I haven’t seen her in a long while. Today we finally had a chance to meet up and grab some Moxies. It turns out both of us have had pretty severe summers (hers much more so than mine in terms of severity). Without going into too much detail of her current predicament I’ll just say the family is preparing for a loss and it has everyone on edge.

We bitched about life over appetizers and goat cheese pizza when she started telling me about a fight her and her beau had earlier this week. I have never in my entire life been so utterly fucking appalled by something a man has said to his significant other: he called her useless. Of all the things to call someone, especially when they’re having a rough time this is one of the worst.

I’ve been called lazy, crazy, unmotivated and other things I’m sure I’m not remembering, but never in my entire life have I been called useless. If a guy chose to call me useless he’d be getting a swift kick to the nads and you can bet your ass he’d be apologizing all the way home. I know I’m a bit of a pushover, but something like this just crosses the line.

And he hasn’t apologized yet.

I’ve never been a name caller..maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it was said out of anger. There’s just something about it that makes me feel fairly ill. When I’m angry I cry, I yell and I throw shit. I have a bad temper: it’s what I do. I don’t name call, and I don’t know many people who sling insults back and forth when they fight.

She’s asked me for advice and I honestly don’t know what to say. I don’t do the silent treatment, I don’t run away from fights, and ontop of all of that I really don’t feel comfortable giving out relationship advice right now.

So breathless the night carves her airwaves out of leaves
I am up against tattoos of scars and skin so cold so deep
I’m 20 ft and sinking faster than the ship I’m in
useless to jump or swim

I could hold my breath till I blow up
and make this all seem real no
matter how hard I try I cant seem to
win this stupid game I apologize for
keeping you up wasting all your time

so I’m stuck with the image you walking me to my car
and how nice it felt to be alive in someone’s arms
last night felt like the only time that we made sense
and every moment after which shook it up chalk it up to coincidence

I could hold my breath until I blow up
and make this all seem real
there’s nothing like waking up
after all the sadness has been slapped off
and its just me and you looking at all these things

how am I supposed to breath
how am I supposed to breath
how am I supposed to breath
How am I supposed to breath

Lucky for me we were lying down
Just from kissing you I could of passed right out

And they’re back. I’ve been pretty well nightmare free since the beginning of August. I suppose all good things must come to an end though.

I basically pulled an all nighter last night for an economics test I had today. Finally at 6am I went to sleep planning on getting up at 8 to go to my classes. I woke up around 7 all sweaty and panicking. My nightmares are usually very vivid, but obviously not realistic.

I don’t know what it was about this dream, but it was just fucking horrifying. It was like any pain inflicted during the dream I could actually feel. Has anyone else ever experienced this? It was absolutely fucking terrifying. I use to have someone I could call and talk to(and have calm me down) or someone to at least hold me when this shit happened.

Now I have a dog. Not the most comforting thing in the world. Needless to say I didn’t go back to sleep. I studied a bit, though there’s not much studying you can do when you’re in a paranoid state of panic.

On a positive note, I finally got my unemployment insurance! I’m rich!

I figured since it’s the beginning of October I’d beat the crowds and go grab a Halloween costume. Every other year stuff has been picked over, and holy fuck prices have been insane! So today during a study break I went and took a gander at the two party stores in town (ironically right across from each other).

One had like..nothing. Every costume they had seemed to be sold out. The other store had some awful prices.  My solution was to go across the street to the on with stupid prices to try stuff on. I found something I liked and guffawed when I looked at the price. They wanted 30$ more than the other store!(the other store was sold out..the stupidly expensive store did not know this). I did what any sensible person would do…I told the expensive store I would go across the street if they wouldn’t price match.

I got my way. Of course.

So to make my original point: I am being Wednesday Addams for Halloween.  I came across some supplies to make some clip in extensions so that I won’t be stuck wearing some stupid wig. I’ve been wanting extensions anyway, long hair is fun!

And now I must get back to the fun that is studying economics. Ugh

I’m currently using these things, and frig could they be anymore uncomfortable? I’m like…drooling uncontrollably.  I’m on day 3 I think..and my teeth are starting to get sensitive (more so than usual). I am however vain enough to whine about the pain and continue doing it. Yup.

I installed a new shower head yesterday (I am so domestic). I’ve had the damn thing for like a week, but I couldn’t get the old shower head off. Yesterday after torturing myself with a wrench I finally got the damn thing off. The new shower head is soooo nice, there’s just one issue: the fucker screams for the first 5 minutes of use. It’s this horrible high-pitched squeal. Ugh.

I’m sorry that this post is all over the place, and I haven’t taken much care in the actual writing. I’m just feeling a little off today, and I wanted to post a quick update.

I am freezing. I have no temperature control in my apartment. My fingers are kind of numb so I keep making typos. Ugh. Story of my life, right?

So anyhoo, yesterday some friends and I made a road trip to my home town so I could pick up the contacts I ordered like a month ago. In typical Ashli’s Life fashion they had ordered the wrong contacts. I ordered monthly disposables. I usually pay around 130$ for 6 months worth.

So the poor receptionist opens my file and pulls out two vials. I think at this point my face may have started to heat a bit. Disposables do not come in vials.. I took a deep breathe and asked if those were mine…she said yes. I swallowed hard. I have a horrible temper, and given my stress levels lately this whole situation was not a good thing.

I tried to nicely inform her that it wasn’t what I ordered, but asked how much they wanted since at this point I just want some fucking contacts. 340 fucking dollars!. My green lenses didn’t even cost that much! What are these things, made of gold?!!

By this point the lady who actually had ordered my contacts went and hid in the back. I think maybe she could tell that I wanted to kick her in the vagina. Hard.

Eventually the receptionist (who really was a doll considering I was glaring daggers) found a pair of monthly disposables in the back for me (for free) and ordered what I actually needed. On top of that they’re shipping the proper things to my house in Windsor so I don’t have to drive back again.

So, after this adventure I went to the bank to verify this whole “3 day hold” deal. I knew the telephone banking guy was lying. Ugh. So I gather all my info and I call the government. AGAIN.

So to make a long story short:

1. First time around, my ROE got lost. I’ve been waiting for money since July
2. Yay I finally am getting money! (this was last week)
3. Where is my fucking money? Why is my account empty?(last week again)
4. Turns out the bank has changed my transit number without telling me. Yay?
5. I call the government to give them the proper account info.
6. I am assured the proper info is in my account. I should re-receive my money Wednesday(this week)
7. It’s Wednesday. Where the fuck is my money?
8. I call on Thursday  and the government insists everything is fine.
9. I check with my bank.  They have no idea what’s going on.
10. Friday rolls around. I call the government again. It turns out the idiot who “fixed” my info typo-ed an extra 0 into my account info.
11. I screamed and yelled a few times.
12. Because of the holiday I will receive my money by Oct.13th at the earliest.

So yes. They will owe me around 2500$ by the time the money actually goes into my account. I seriously have no idea what I did to deserve such shit luck. God (if he exists.) sure does like to smite me.