Psychotically-pink

I had a nightmare last night.

I woke up today alone, lonely and generally feeling like crap.

Bah.

I don’t know if its the weather, the stress or what but I’ve just felt out of it lately: nostalgic, lonely at times but pretty much content. It’s nice to be able to look back on things and see them for what they are, nice memories. I’m trying to focus on myself more and take every day in stride. So far it’s going well.

A good friend of mine once said, “Ashli, you’re thinking too much. Just live in the moment.” This is my (somewhat) new philosophy. I try not to dwell, doddle or focus too much on any one thing in particular. It’s satisfying. I never use to be able to hook Jasper up to his leash and go out for a long walk and just enjoy the scenery and people watch. I’ve never been that girl (unless the people watching included making fun of people anyway). I can feel myself growing and it’s nice. I’m not constantly rattled about stupid little things anymore..whatever happens is going to happen-there really isn’t any sense in fretting or worrying about it too much. N’est pas?

Basically it all comes down to this: I don’t get my hopes up. A few people have misunderstood what I mean and tell me I’m being depressing or pessimistic, but really it’s not about that. I’s about enjoying every day and moment as it comes. Why worry yourself sick about something that may or may not happen within the next few days, months or even years?

I’m not saying have no hope, and I’m certainly not saying I’ve thrown my goals and ambitions to the wind (after all how could I let go of the things that helped bring about this change several months ago?) I still have goals, dreams things I intend on doing eventually. The main thing is I’m working towards them without high expectations. Things will work out the way they should. The same applies to life in general.

Given my luck I just prefer to go with the flow now. There’s no point in getting all worked up and looking forward to something that may never actually happen. (or worse comes thisclose to happening and then falls through) I’d rather take things in stride, and be even happier when things go my way, than to sit around being a worry wart and be absolutely devastated when things don’t go my way.

It makes sense to me anyway.

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately (it’s all I do really, when my internet isn’t working) and I have some pretty amazing friends. The more I think about it, the more I realize in my last relationship I was sort of one of “those” girls (you know the ones who never hang out with their friends…not nearly as much as they used to). I mean, I didn’t drop off the face of the earth like some of our friends have, but I certainly wasn’t around as much as I should have been.

No wonder my independence went out the window over those 3 years. It’s something I’m not going to let happen again. Friends are probably the most important thing you have aside from family, and if you alienate them enough, they probably won’t stick around.

So here’s a list of thank you’s:

Meg: for being there for me even at the moments when we want to rip each others throats out. And for not judging me.
Vanita: for the long talks we have had over the last few months over both of us losing what we felt were great relationships-seemingly out of the blue
Cherith: for listening when we tell her she’s about to do something stupid, so she doesn’t. And making me laugh, girl is hilarious.
Katey:for coming over all summer even when I was locked up in my room refusing to come out, wanting to be alone. You got me out of the house and we had some fun adventures. I miss you.
Zak: for the late night msn talks about boys and broken hearts. You give me faith. I just wish you would move back home.
Rachel: for the email you sent me after reading my blogs, assuring me that life goes on and happiness is just around the corner.

So a little over a year ago I signed (well my mother did because my credit is shit and she is awesome) a two year contract and got myself an LG Rumor when they first came out. My mom is the manager of a Bell World, so I usually have a heads up when a decent phone is coming out. My old Pink Samsung was literally held together with duct tape (i am notoriously awful with phones..my previous phone had been run over by a car and squashed.)

I think back in the beginning of July I managed to destroy my lovely rumor. Up until then I had avoided all the problems they’re supposedly plagued with. I however do have a horrible habit of walking around with my cell phone in my back pocket. Sometimes I just don’t want to be carrying a purse, and most of the time my cell is in my pocket when I’m at home (I don’t have a home phone, just my cell).

So one day I needed to pee (Don’t say i didn’t warn you) and my phone was in my back pocket. As I sat down I distinctly remember thinking to myself, “It would really suck if your phone fell out of your pocket and into the toilet right now.” I jinxed myself folks.

If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time (and those of you who have followed me around on the interwebs since I started back when I was 20) you know my shit luck, and you know that when i think about how awful something happening would be, it usually happens.

So there I was mid tinkle when I heard a loud splash. Fuck. I looked down at my ankles and my phone was missing from my pants pocket. At this point I had no idea what to do. Do I flush? Do I fish out the phone, pee and all? I loved that phone, so you can bet that without thinking I fished that phone out of the bowl. Then I flushed.

After that i panicked when I realized how gross what I just did was. Without thinking I washed my hands (well up to my elbows really) and proceeded to rinse off my phone. My brain just doesn’t work well under pressure. So if peeing on my phone hadn’t destroyed it, then rinsing it off surely did.

I ended up replacing it with the exact same phone, though its had tons of issues. I need an upgrade.

Story of my life.

I think back before I lost all of my old stuff (I need to remember to back up, losing 6 years of blogs sucks) i talked about this at length, and I’m sure most of you can guess where I stand on the issue. I’m bringing it up for the umpteenth time again after reading a recent entry on Rachel’s site.

I’m a firm believe in rescuing animals, but I also realize some people want a puppy for obvious reasons. They’re playful, you can train them without worries of preexisting bad habits, and they’re just fucking cute. On the downside not everyone has time to train properly, they’re insanely expensive and most puppies end up in a pound before the age of 3 because people just don’t know what they’re getting into.

My main concern with the whole buying a puppy thing, is the puppy mill trade. In Canada it’s bad enough (Quebec has millions of Puppy Mills that have yet to be shut down) but the states is even worse. People sell puppies out of the back of vans in grocery store parking lots, Pet Stores buy puppies by the crate load then sell them for 10 times as much as they paid, dogs lie in cages too small to turn around in, sitting in their own feces with toenails so long they grow into their pads.

Tons of people don’t even know what a puppy mill is. If I had a dollar for the blank stares I got when I start on one of my animal welfare tirades I’d have been out of debt years ago. the biggest problem here is ignorance. Every puppy you buy is replaced by another. Most aren’t registered, healthy or come with any sort of health guarantee. Most are sick, abused and you don’t even notice until you’ve brought your pup home and the 24 hour health guarantee given by most pet stores is long past.

It starts out simple enough. A runny nose, the sneezes, maybe a touch of kennel cough. The new owner things to themselves, “Well this puppy would obviously be better off with us, than here in this glass cage playing in shredded newspaper.” That may be so, but this puppy is going to cost you a fortune more than a puppy from a reputable breeder would. You’re going have to pay for extra shots, probably antibiotics, a good round of fluids, and in the worst case scenario you’ll have to let your new best friend go.

Running rampant in puppy mills (and as a result) and petstores is canine parvo virus. Naturally puppy mills (and believe me, some pet stores) are not hygenic places. Even a puppy brought home to early (in my opinion anything before 8 weeks is too early, even that is pushing it) can catch it by stepping or sniffing another dog’s feces. It’s horribly contagious and while most older dogs can fight off an infection, puppies are much smaller with delicate immune systems.

I’m sure there’s millions of families every year who lose puppies to this disease. Usually the first symptom is lethargy, then diarrhea which leads to intense dehydration. The pup can’t keep down food or water. I’ve seen the damage this disease has on small puppies first hand, and it’s truly heartbreaking. Usually once a pup is brought to vet it’s too late and not much can be done.

I’m not going to go into detail as to how the virus works and such..the point is do your research. If you buy a pup and it has parvo you won’t be able to introduce another puppy to the household for a very long time..this virus is so hard to get rid of with cleaning agents.

I know the puppy at the petstore is adorable and deserves a good home, but when you buy that puppy its just going to be replaced by another puppy from a mill. So the cycle continues. Rescue when you can, buy from a reputable breeder when you can’t.

Good breeders:

• offer a lifelong commitment
• will provide the first set of shots and dewormx2 and have the paperwork to show it
• have puppies in the home underfoot, not in a barn or cage
• have both parents on site, again as a part of the family
• have paper work showing both parents have been tested for genetic defects
• provide a guarantee against these defects in their puppies
• not allow puppies to go home until 8 weeks of age (i prefer 12 personally)

And if you need anymore convincing (don’t watch if you have a weak stomach):

to my post about selfishness, I’ve decided that it is neither of the things I mentioned, it all comes down to naivety and ignorance.

I don’t care what people say, humans are prone to selfishness. Don’t throw that culture bullshit.Human nature is human nature. If you are going to make excuses and bitch about how selfish people are, you’re an idiot, and chances are that, you my friend are just as selfish as the next person, not to mention you seem to be sitting high on a throne.

This just rubs me so the wrong way. The world does not revolve around you.

Clearly that isn’t possible since the world is too busy revolving around me and my splendor

But in all seriousness, what is with people lately? Drop the holier than thou attitude, take a chill pill and just fucking relax. Live in the moment, take things as they come and if you’re tired of coming in last, or are tired of waiting for other people fucking do something about it!

If I didn’t have this blog to write about this, I probably would have exploded by now. A few times little fickle comments have vomited from my mouth because I simply don’t think sometimes, but holy shit. I can only take so much and being a blunt person only adds to the issue.

Thank god this all wasn’t happening last month when I was off my meds, I probably would have gouged someone’s eye out with a rusty spoon. My rage issues are bad enough when I am docile and content, when I’m off my meds I am a raving lunatic half the time. I can admit this. Today I can put my earphones in, and listen to my shiny pink ipod and just tune everyone else out.

It’s lovely. I’m just so sick of close mindedness, naivety, and people with superiority complexes (i recognize that I do suffer from this sometimes, but it’s mostly for the sake of humor. I am hilarious.)

My state of mind must be a little on the low side these days because I seem to bitch and rant and moan on here a lot. I need to have something hilarious to happen. If you’re a new reader and you want to read some hilarious story click here. I am looking to see if I wrote about the demise of my last cell phone, if not I will write a blog about it tomorrow when I’m bored. It’s pretty hilarious.

I’m a clumsy girl with bad luck, my life is never dull.

I would wear pink everyday.

I would have pink everything. Well..I would have mostly pink everythings.

Unfortunately as a 25 (almost 26) year old woman, this is odd to most people. So instead I substitute animal print for pink when I can.

Bright colours (especially pink…obvs) just make me giddy and happy. I miss having a bright pink bedroom..though i decided a while ago that it was maybe time to tone it down and try to grow up a little.

Growing up sucks.

Things I will never give up: My Little Pony, Carebears or Hello Kitty

I’ve had it.

I’m suppose to split internet bills with the idiots who live in front of me but usually the internet is down for half the month because they don’t seem to know how to reset their router, and despite my attempts I can’t gain remote access to resert it myself, because they use some gibberish as a password.

I’ll just swallow my pride and pay 43$ a month to have my own damn internet. I need it for school and it need it for my sanity. Mooching off others is lovely, but sometimes i just want to be alone, music blaring while I read my fanfic in peace. Sometimes I don’t play well with others.

This is one of those times.

maybe I’m just getting touchy because I have no internet at home to keep me occupied, so I have to spend more time with others than I’m use to to leech of public interwebs. I don’t know, but I’m noticing some things about several people that are going to drive me absolutely batty.

In general people are selfish. This is something I’ve come to live with, because I’m sorry, but at certain times in your life you do need to come first, and you do need to do what you need to do. You dig? I’ve spent a long time putting other people’s needs before mine, and right now I’m focusing on me. that doesn’t mean my friends and family aren’t important- they are, in fact they’re the most important people in my life. They always will be.

I’m not selfish to the point of hurting anyone, or of blatantly being rude. I just decided back in the summer that for once in my life I’m numero uno. I’m human and we’re generally selfish creatures.

But my biggest pet peeve is when someone else goes on about how selfish everyone is but them. Sure sometimes they may have completely valid points, but most of the time they don’t…and most of the time the reasons they’re saying others are being selfish for are selfish reasons in and of themselves (does that make sense?).

I mean, sure sometimes people piss me off, but if you’re only ever getting pissed off and complaining when everyone else isn’t revolving their plans around you, you should stop and think…“wait a minute, who is being selfish here? Me, or them?”

I’m just reaching a level where my tolerance is akin to none. It’s one thing if you realize you’re being a bit selfish too, but it’s another thing when you’re trying to say you’re a completely selfless person. That type of person just doesn’t exist, and you can’t convince me otherwise. Sorry. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you human.

I hate you.

the end…

But not really. So a while ago I bought an Acer Aspire One Netbook for school. This thing has been nothing but fucking problems.

Day One:

• Webcam causes computer to cash. I figure, whatever it’s not like i use a webcam ever anyway.
• Keyboard is stuck in french. Finally after 2 hours of frustration I manage to fix it.
• Laptop over heats and restarts like 3 times within an hour
• Spend 2 hours uninstalling all the shit that comes on the laptop
• Spend another hour turning off processes and services that just slow it down and aren’t necessary.

I am like a boy sometimes..I love gadgets. I seriously loved this thing so much that i was willing to look past all of this and just fix the damn thing and be on with it. I’ve had the thing about 3 weeks. It gets the job done, it looks pretty and it is fucking awesome to have a laptop that fits in my purse-honestly.

However the other day the wireless stopped working. I could disable it, repair it, reinstall drivers…nothing worked. I seriously was about to throw the piece of shit out the window. I didn’t even want an acer to begin with, I wanted a dell but no one had the model I wanted, and Best Buy wouldn’t sell me the floor model even though they aren’t carrying said model anymore.

So I borrowed my friends car, drove to futureshop and told them to fix it, or give me a new one. The tech guy lectured me about turning off services, but quickly shut up when I told him I knew what I was doing and he could double check, but i hadn’t turned anything off that would cause this issue, or any important services for that matter (I was right, obviously.)

So after bantering back and forth he said he would just set it back to factory default. Inwardly I groaned because I was losing all y school work, would have to uninstall all the extra shit again, plus the whole webcam issue would likely not be fixed- but beggars can’t be choosers. We went this route and I agreed to come back in two hours (even though i really could have just done this on my own at home). Luckily I have the extended/replacement plan and next time this happens I can ask for a replacement.

So, I bring the fucker home, set her up and get to work. Once again:

• I spend several hours uninstalling all the extra bullshit
• I  spent another hour installing updates (which i didn’t have to do the first time)
• Keyboard is still stuck in french, luckily i know how to fix it now.

However today new problems are popping up. The damn thing is lagging, programs randomly shut off, and stop responding. I am at my wits end. All the reviews I read on these things were fairly decent, so maybe I just got a lemon, but this is a lot to fucking deal with considering the damn thing isn’t even pink.