Psychotically-pink

head over toManic Cupcake dot Net if you miss me.

If you’re easily offended, don’t.

He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it’s like
I couldn’t ask for anything better
He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it’s 2am and I’m cursing your name
You’re so in love that you act insane
And that’s the way I loved you
Breakin’ down and coming undone
It’s a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that’s the way I loved you

He respects my space
And never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
He’s close to my mother
Talks business with my father
He’s charming and endearing
And I’m comfortable

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it’s 2am and I’m cursing your name
You’re so in love that you act insane
And that’s the way I loved you
Breakin’ down and coming undone
It’s a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that’s the way I loved you

He can’t see the smile I’m faking
And my heart’s not breaking
Cause I’m not feeling anything at all
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating intoxicating
Complicated, got away by some mistake and now

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It’s 2am and I’m cursing your name
I’m so in love that I acted insane
And that’s the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It’s a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that’s the way I loved you oh, oh

And that’s the way I loved you oh, oh
Never knew I could feel that much
And that’s the way I loved you

When I’m alone I have too much time to think, to wonder about how things could have been.I keep reading his blog. It doesn’t usually sting too much, but then I saw this line, “I don’t even really like the girl.” It was written when we were still fucking..when I thought things might be on the mend. I felt a pang. My eyes may have stung a bit. It’s weird when someone goes from supposedly hating you, to professing love and wanting you back.

I made my choice. I know that. I just wish I would stop torturing myself. The new guy is amazing, attentive and sweeter than any guy has been before. For months I went without contact with the ex and then he popped back into my life again. Although I can’t forgive him for what he did…at least not right now there’s still a huge fucking part of me that cares. I know everything will work out the way it’s supposed to,and I know I’m better off (like I said, new guy is everything a girl could ask for, and more) but fuck sometimes I wish the ex hadn’t thrown what we had away.

Starting over isn’t as easy as I thought it would be.